In Bed with Ariel Leve
Mar 26th, 2007 by Eats Wombats
Besides my wickedly indulgent cinnamon raisin bagel with bacon on Saturday mornings, one of the pleasures of being back in London is again reading an amusing column in the Sunday Times Magazine by a Jewish girl with nice a line in self-deprecation and pessimism.
Endorphins kicked in whenever I came across a column by Zoë Heller in years past. Now it’s Ariel Leve, with a half-page column entitled Cassandra, and, this week, a cover feature on the Chelsea Hotel in New York. I read it in bed with coffee this morning (a tawdry excuse for the salacious headline). It’s not the first article on the place I’ve read since my student days in the Big Apple, but the only one that made me feel like moving in.
So why is it that attractive women who can write with penetrating wit, insight and affection for humanity can’t get a date? Or even, in Ariel’s case recently, a cup of coffee? This has been the schtick, and a bit of a schtretch it is too if you gaze upon the lovely Ms.Leve’s thoughtful photo in the color magazine.
Contrast the reviews of Heller’s book Everything You Know.
Mr.Venables says “I’ve never really noticed Zoë Heller while reading newspapers” and he goes on to say he found her writing “cold and bitchy.”
Mr.Posner writes
For those like me who religiously read Zoë Heller’s Saturday column in the Daily Telegraph, they may long since have come to the conclusion that she would make the perfect girlfriend: intelligent, funny, erudite and attractive with vaguely raunchy undercurrents. Her serious writing doesn’t disappoint either and only adds to her considerable appeal. Too bad she’s now firmly tucked away in New York: definitely our loss.
What kind of a man would not notice a thinking man’s Bridget Jones in print? A Daily Mail reader? I’m with Posner, and if he reads the Sunday Times he surely couldn’t fail to be a fan of Leve’s too.
I now know that Zoë Heller is not just in New York; she’s married with kids, and she’s still writing. See, Mr.Dawkins, there is a God.
We even have a replacement for the perfect girlfriend. What more could one want? Very well, a replacement eventually. Very eventually.
So, I have some books to catch up and, in Ariel Leve’s case, look forward to. Her contribution to Michael Rosen’s collection, 101 Damnations: The Humorists’ Tour of Personal Hells, is also something I should look for.
Speaking of which: Loud Cellphone Users
Ariel is too timid to tell someone speaking loudly on a cellphone to ssh and wonders “what to do?” Here’s what I did… once.
I was waiting to board a delayed flight in Rome airport, in a crowded business lounge. The delay resulted in a couple of extra glasses of wine and lowered inhibitions. After about half an hour of wishing that a large businessman on the other side of the room who was making life miserable for everyone by shouting into his phone would shut up, I finally decided enough was enough.
I held a phone to my ear. “Hello!” I said very loudly. A few people looked around. “Hello!” I almost bellowed. By now most people were looking, side conversations having come to a halt. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU” I shouted. Finally, the berk himself looked in my direction in a now silent lounge. I held a finger to my lips. His jaw dropped a little and he paused. All the other passengers began to applaud loudly. I nodded my appreciation to him as the penny dropped.
I have never done anything like it before or since. It was very satisfying; not that I did it, but that someone did.
